I am beginning to believe this phase my daughter is going through is going to last a lifetime. I have yet to get Amelie to sleep in her “big girl bed” for a full night’s sleep. When she shows up at my bedside at two in the morning, I am so groggy that half the time I don’t even realize I have put her into my bed with me until we both wake up in the morning.So I have been buckling down lately, working on the bedtime routine. After last night, though, I am thinking that having her sleep with me is better for both of us, if not at least for my own safety.
Amelie and Hannah share a room, which has its drawbacks for both of them. Hannah, being the ‘tween that she is, is into top 40-music and fashion and clothes that never find their way into the dresser drawers . Her idea of bedtime routine is to toss the pile of clothes off of her bed and onto her floor and turn on her music to “lull” her to sleep. I’d be okay with the music if it were Brahams or Mozart. But no. It’s Chingy, Fitty Cent, Fergie. The kind of music my mother warned me about back in the day…(oh, those were the days.) The kind of music I (used to) exercise to at Body Pump class.
So, I go to lay Mimi down in her bed and I have to step over the land mines of clothing to reach the stereo just to turn it down. As Amelie crawls into her bed, a sleeping Hannah rolls over and half snorts-half snores her discontent with me turning down the music.
The door is opened just a crack. Light from the living room spills in and I can tell it is keeping her from closing her eyes. I get up and close the door all the way amid her protests to me leaving. “I’m right here, baby. Momma’s not leaving.” Back at her bedside I can see her big brown eyes in the darkness of the room. They pierce through me, challenging me not to leave, as if to say, “If you leave me, I will hunt you down and make your nighttime a miserable and sleepless one. I will find you in your soft cozy bed and when I crawl in there, I will prop my elbow into your shoulder blade and when you wake up in the morning, you’ll have a kink in your neck the likes of which you have never experienced before.”
I’m taken aback, though, when she says in her sweet, angelic voice, “Mommy, I love you.” and she smiles. At first skeptical, I answer back with my own whispered, “I love you too, baby.” And I lean in to give her a kiss. “Now its time for sleep, okay?” She strokes the side of my face and says, “Mommy, will you tickle my back?”
It’s a trick! I think to myself. She wants me to tickle her back because she knows that if I am tickling her back, I am right there by her side!I can’t say no, though. “Okay, baby. Roll over and I’ll tickle your back.”
I can see the whites of Amelie’s eyes, still wide open in the very dim light and she is watching me to make sure I do not leave the room. I stroke her hair and I can see her mind racing. She is grasping for anything and any excuse not to have to close those eyes and drift off. She grabs her stuffed animal, a soft plush cat, and holds it close to her. She wiggles under her blankets. She rolls over twice. She snuggles into her bed, letting out a soft sigh. Finally, she starts drifting off.
“Only a few more minutes and I’ll leave,” I think to myself. Her breath becomes steady and soft and her eye lids become heavy. I see her lashes, long and beautiful, against the pale white of her cheeks. Although her eyes have closed, I wait silent and still by her bedside. Her soft snores assure me she has drifted off to sleep, but I can’t take any chances. I swear, she has a built in body-thermo-detector and knows instinctively that I have moved from her side. So, I must move slowly and swiftly.
An eternity later, I stood slowly, stopping after each bend of each joint in my body so as not to make any noise. I step over a doll. I move to the left to avoid the creak in that floorboard. I step silently on a pile of Hannah’s clothes. I am making my way out the door when…
In the meantime, Barry is upstairs using the bathroom. He flushes the toilet and the noise is akin to a tidal wave crashing down and around the house. I have never in my life heard a “waterfall” as loud as this! Yes, her room is located directly under the upstairs bath, but lordy bee! The builder of this house took no measures what-so-ever to insulate between the walls so we could avoid this kind of indoor noise pollution!
In my mind I am screaming, “OH SH*&!!!” but I stand motionless, frozen like a deer caught in headlights hoping to God that Mimi did not hear this raucous! No luck. The crashing water rushing through the pipes between the walls startled her out of her slumber. She rolls over and sees that I’ve made it only half way out the room. “Mommy!” she whimpers.
I jump, rushing back to her bedside, tripping over a pile of clothes. I landed on my knee, on the clip portion of a clip board (A CLIPBOARD!). My immediate gut reaction was to scream obscenities, but I stifled it by biting the back of my hand really, really hard.
Half whimpering myself, I told her, “it’s okay, baby. Momma’s right here.” I brushed her hair back from her forehead with my now almost bleeding hand and rubbed my banged up knee with my other one.I try to console her, but now she is wide awake. Again.
“Mommy,” she says in her soft and sweet angelic voice. “Mommy, I love you.” and she smiles. “Mommy, will you tickle my back?”
“Yes, honey.” I try to fight back the tears of pain and all I can think is that I’d like to go to bed myself! “But let’s go lay down in my bed.”
So, tonight we’ll give it another go around with the “routine.” We’ll make sure potty breaks are all taken care of before Mimi’s bedtime. I have packed my knee with ice and my hand will survive.
And we’ll get Amelie to sleep in her own bed, even if it kills me.
