To sum up how I feel tonight, I’d like to share a scene from the 1993 hit movie, “A Thing Called Love,” in which Samantha Mathis portrays Miranda, a woman who knows a thing or two about struggle and triumph.
Coincidence… or Synchronicity? Maybe. July 27, 2007
The difference between the right word and the wrong word is like the difference between lightening and lightening bug. ~ Mark Twain.
Semantics. It’s not how you say it. It is what you say. Make every word count. I don’t like to use the word maybe. The word “maybe” bugs me because it is flaky. A wishy-washy and indecisive word, and I just don’t have time for that kind of energy in my life.
It’s 1:00 in the morning and I am lying awake in bed, my mind racing. It’s hot and sticky and my air conditioner is broken…STILL! I step outside on the back patio and look up at the sky. The stars are vivid and the moon is so close. The big dipper is framed by the neighbors trees. I wish I could stay up to see the Dog Star, Sirius, rising this morning. That’s when it occurs to me, we have entered the Dog Days of Summer. How could I have forgotten such an important event?
I had to quickly google any hommage paid to one of my heroes, Robert Anton Wilson, the man who taught me about Sirius. RAW passed away earlier this year, but since July 23 was a very significant day in his life/ writing, I was sure there’d be some kind of celebration in his honor somewhere. As I searched, I stumbled across a website called http://www.maybelogic.com/. This site, I learned, is also the name of the new feature length documentary about RAW.
Even in his death, he imparts wisdom. Maybe Logic. Hu. How perfect.
The man himself was flaky and nebulous and fabulous and never subscribed to one “reality”, ever. He was a life long learner, experiencing things firsthand in an effort to get the best education. He was a Buddhist, Taoist, Catholic, Wiccan, Discordian, and Mason. He was a conspiracy theorist, writer, quantum physicist, hippy, pot-brownie-eating reporter with post-polio disease who, in his later life, was confined to a wheel chair and he never let it get him down.
He wrote about perception and what we think is real and how not to take life too seriously. He never took sides, always presented both sides, telling his audience, “you decide”. He inspired me to jump out of my own reality tunnel and take a look around with different eyes. He talked about humanity and interplanetary communication. He never judged, never told anyone how to live, never doubted anyone’s experiences. Just reported his experiences and provided great examples of a life well-lived. RAW was successful on many levels, has known monetary riches and has lived in poverty. He loved hugely: his wife Arlen, his family, his friends and fans.
So, this morning, I am writing all of this and I am rethinking my disdain for the word “maybe.” Jack Johnson says “maybe pretty much always means no.” In true RAW-inspired fashion, I confess: maybe could also mean yes.
But seriously, you decide.
Priming the Pump July 21, 2007
Recent conversations with two different people uncovered their feelings of awkwardness when reading blogs. I was asked by one, “why do you blog? Why do you share these things about yourself with the entire world, but not me?” Another said, “I just wish she wouldn’t write that kind of stuff. It’s too personal.” I know that some people feel as if we bloggers share too much with the world, and that perhaps we are exposing too much of our intimate selves with complete strangers. The question becomes, aren’t you afraid people might percieve you differently? And, if you are willing to expose yourself like this to just anyone, where do I stand when it comes to knowing you intimately?
As a writer, I know its inevitable my stuff may at some point a) offend someone, b) enlighten someone, c) make some feel awkward or d) all of the above. Hopefully d). But I will settle with e) any of the above. I can’t explain the way we writer’s are, but if I, as a writer avoid words screaming to be said because I am afraid I may make someone feel uneasy, well…then I suck.
In this modern age, when family is scattered all over the place, blogging actually brings us closer to one another allowing us to remain in touch with our loved ones. For me, blogging is a way to share with my family and friends what’s going on in my personal bubble. For instance, I haven’t seen my little brother, Shane, in about two years. A lot has happened in that time for both of us and if he can’t call me, or if he wishes to sneak a peak without feeling as if he is interrupting bath time or dinner or whatever, he can just log on and read all about it. I wish Shane had a blog.
*Shane, start a blog. There are many free sites, like Blogger.com …or there is wordpress.com, which provides really cool graphical templates, more appealing to the Xers/Yers. I think I may transfer everything over there eventually…*
Blogging, for all of its exposure to the world, is really a personal thing. I am a writer. While writing is about creation and the deep-seeded need to express, it also takes practice. And for some (me!), it takes a lot of practice. Good writers just don’t pick up a pen and crank out The Great American Novel. Blogging allows me to prime the pump. At this point in my life, if I didn’t blog, I wouldn’t be getting much practice.
Blogging also helps to keep me in check. I don’t presume to have a huge audience, but if there are folks out there who actually read my blog, I hope they can see the real me. If I lie about something, someone may call bull shit. We writers live with the hope that someone will ultimately read our stuff, and if we can not be honest with our craft~whether made up or not (and you are a writer if you know what I mean!) ~ then what is the point?
I used to write all the time in a good old fashioned, leather-bound (private!) journal. It’s where my mornings began, the night ended and many a glass of wine was enjoyed. It’s where I collected story starts, journal entries, and other musings. I believed that the only way to get to the bones was to put pen in hand and connect it to paper…from brain to hand to pen to paper…. a direct hotline to the soul. Turns out writing online is more convenient, I can type faster than I print and am less prone to wrist pain. And blogging is perfect for my ADD tendencies; if I have a spark of inspiration, I can immediately Alt+Ctl to toggle between screens. Voila! I am instantly researching the topic without losing my blogpage.
So, there are many reasons I choose to blog. Back to the question at hand: blogging or face-time? Relationships are based on trust and understanding and communication. Real-life relationships are what give us writers the sustenance and support to do what we love. When it comes to intimacy, I will take the face time, hands down, over blogging any day! Just understand that I may blog about the facetime later. 
Must-See TV? *Wretching noises* July 20, 2007
OMG! This is too much! It’s not even 15 minutes into the special, and I just can’t take any more! Posh effin’ spice is ridiculous! TV is off!
Okay. It’s back on. It’s like a train wreck, I have to look. Damn it. These people have more money than fuck, and they are ignorant. Its a huge peeve of mine. It pisses me off, you know. I get so upset when I think about the wasted potential! How is it possible the stupid ones can be so loaded?
In my education/ career path, I’ve come across individuals who’ve not taken the important things seriously. Sure, I know that “important things” is a relative term. My important things? Well, making the most of an education, for one.
For instance, there was a portly young lady who had a college degree in communications. We worked together at the Chamber of Commerce, where she was the Convention & Visitor’s Bureau Director and I was the Communications & Special Events Coordinator. She couldn’t compose a sentence to save her life! It used to pain me to proof her contributions for the monthly newsletter! I’d feel nauseous whenever I received an email from her, simply because she made it so difficult for her readers to wade through her message!
But that’s not what really made me ill. What really pained me was the fact that she studied COMMUNICATIONS for FOUR F’ING YEARS! She had a BA in Communications! Which (need I say it?) implies she was supposed to know how to communicate! Pitty her Alma Mater! (Note to self…don’t send my children there!)
Another peeve of mine is the selling-out of my heros. I have been enjoying the musings of Diablo Cody for some time now. She blogs about her experiences as an unlikely stripper in Minneapolis. Her recent book, “Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper,” (which I have yet to read) is being met with rave reviews.
However, I’ve noticed that since she’s moved to LA, her blog entries are no longer as amusing. She writes about the B List celebrities she meets at parties, and I just hope, hope, hope Diablo’s integrity as a writer does not suffer for her forays into the limelight.
Oh Diablo, you have so much wit and charm and you’ve used it so well! Please don’t go over to the other side! Please!
Ostrich-Like Behavior Strongly Discouraged July 20, 2007
Ok, one more tense day to go before I can determine if my high emotional state of late is due to the stress in my life, or if it really is a case of PMS.
Dare I share? What the hell…
I have to go to court tomorrow for previous traffic violations. It is a pretrial hearing , but I am scared! Here’s how it all went down…I was pulled over two years ago for speeding. I was driving an uninsured borrowed car (Owner’s name to remain untold here.) I got a ticket for both speeding and failure to provide proof of insurance. About a week 1/2 later, pulled over for the same thing! Cited for the same thing! Turns out, insurance goes with the car, not the driver. My insurance did not count. I went to court, had two tickets dropped, but the driving without insurance meant I had to pay a fine and obtain SR 22 insurance. Which I did. Or so I thought…
I won tickets to the Modest Mouse concert back in April, had a perfect evening out, enjoyed the concert tremendously…and then, on my way home, was pulled over for a broken tail light. Turns out, my license was suspended. I did not know this at all…I was asked to step out of the car, the female cop handcuffed me and took me in to jail. I was devastated! Luckily for me…he he he….they let me go as soon as they booked me, took my picture and then paid the”rest of” my fine . Yeah. Turns out I still owed $172 on the insurance fine.
So, tomorrow I go to face the music over the fact that I was driving with a suspended license. It’s a misdemeanor! I could potentially go to jail for this. Gulp.
Check this out: God love the Genius who invented theTake 5 candy bar! The best PMS food, EVER!The perfect combination of sweet and salty…a mixture of chocolate, pretzels, caramel, peanut butter…oh. Simply perfect! (And, yes, that is me eating the thing at 40MPH. I swear, I wasn’t speeding. Nor was I driving recklessly. Okay. I am done incriminating myself. Bye for now.)
P.S. Yea! I didn’t miss The Beckhams… special. Turns out it is on right now. How shallow of me…
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